This is your year to quit!

Instead of diving into those resolutions this year, consider the anti resolution. At a time when we’ve spent years enduring a global pandemic, adjusted to new ways of living, learning, working, and connecting, and now adjusting to a “new normal” it might just make more sense to stop with the personal development and goals.

I quit personal development in 2020. I had spent the better part of the previous 15 years in school and 20 years working in tech. I attended leadership training, tech conferences, classes on public speaking and worked 1:1 with professional coaches. I, like many professional women, wanted to pile up the knowledge to assure myself (and others) that I was capable. They say that men will go for a job if they have experience in or can do 60% of the tasks while women wait until they can do 100%. There are several reasons for this; imposter syndrome, social influence, and internalized stereotypes of typical feminine behavior and expectations. We pile on the experience and knowledge so nobody, including ourselves, can say we don’t know what we’re doing or haven’t earned it. A Study conducted by Harvard on the gender gap in its computer science program reported that women with 8 years of programming experience are as confident in their skills as their male counterparts with 0-1 year of programming experience. Most of us have witnessed this in our own experiences. What I’m saying is, taking a break isn’t going to kill your dreams. You’re likely more prepared than others.

I look at personal development and achievement differently now. Yes, I still have professional and personal goals but reaching them looks different. My strategic planning includes consideration of how achieving my goals will feel. I don’t want the path there to be overwhelming, overbooked, and at the jeopardy of my priorities. I want to make room for the people and things that are important to me while chipping away toward my goals. So, instead of listening to an educational audio book, taking virtual training sessions, and attending conferences concurrently I plan to do any one of these along with tasks that move me closer to my goal.

I recently prescribed a similar solution to a client. As overachiever workaholics it’s in our nature to do the most and feels like underperforming when cutting back. The thing is, dialing things back, saying no to more, and creating space for other things in your life is exactly what helps you achieve your goals. Creating space for yourself to be bored, entertained, and relaxed allows you to have more space and energy to work on the things important to you.

This year, step back. Indulge yourself in fiction, start a new hobby, drop the personal development books and virtual classes for 6-9 months and get used to feeling content and happy exactly where you are. Even if you know more is to come. Build this hiatus into your plan. You won’t regret it.